I am really struggling today.
I feel really down.
Standing in the bank starving hungry - and I mean so hungry it hurts - a man behind me told me I'd pushed in, and he was there first. I was ready for a fight. Running along the cycle track this morning, 2 dogs were playing and chasing each other. One ran into my feet and very nearly tripped me up, and I cried. I actually cried - I am losing it!
It's not the physical aches and pains (although they are a struggle too). It's the ability to hold a pleasant conversation with people you don't know that well. It's trying to get everything done, whether you're hungry, tired or both. It's pretending you're cheerful and sociable, when you feel irritable and grumpy and you'd be quite happy to just lie down and sleep.
I've just had an Innocent veg pot, 2 rolls with butter, a packet of baked crisps and a bowl of fruit....... and I'm still hungry.
Ultra running isn't easy. I want to do this, I want to run across Wales, I want to know what it's like to push yourself to your limit, and beyond. But it isn't easy.
My body is still working ok, it's sore and stiff, but still working. My brain is struggling.
This is what it is like to run 100+ miles a week .......... hard.