You wouldn't think I needed to blog anything about tough going during an easy week, but I had an all time low today.
I had a moment of reality, when it hit me full force that whilst it is lovely spending my time phoning local companies for raffle prizes, and having chats with media types...... I am actually going to have to run the length of an entire country! What was I thinking?
No, ok, I know exactly what I was thinking. It's long, it's hard, that'll be a challenge, sign up before you really think about it. And then, a few weeks before the event, think about it, and panic.
Planning to run 225 miles in a little over 7 days, is scary!
At the moment, when I am permanently dog tired, eating constantly, and spending a lot of my time aching, all I can think about are the tough bits. All I wanted to do today was go out for a short plod with my group, maybe 3 miles, then go home and rest. However I had 10 miles to do, and I just couldn't get out of the front door. Thank goodness I had a group to lead, or I might well not have run at all.
I am tired, really really tired. Physically, but especially emotionally.
I know there will be good bits of the Run Wales experience, but I can't let myself think of them yet. It's like hoping for a good result in an exam. You sit the exam and do the best you can, then spend weeks assuming you've failed, because it's much easier to accept defeat early and get on with a plan to deal with it, than to cope with disappointment when your hopes have been too high. Think I might be a pessimist!
This ultra running business is all about controlling your mind, and your thoughts. Whilst I know all this about myself, and accept it, I also am learning how best to manage my thoughts, and keep myself positive (even if I don't sound very positive at the moment). Secretly I am very very excited, but I don't want to let that excitement explode just yet, because I need it for the event itself, to keep me going through the dark moments. So I suppose by concentrating on the tough bits I am making sure I do get out and train properly. My run today was actually pretty good. I didn't want to run, I felt exhausted, but I did it anyway, and finished with a fast mile. If I can get myself going when there's noone else around and go on after a club when everyone else is going home to a nice warm shower and something to eat, then I think I can run Wales, when hopefully I will have loads of help and support.
The lesson I have learnt today is - if you think you can't do it, pretend you can until you've managed to do it anyway!