The closer it gets - the harder it is.

I only have 2 more hard training days left, and yet again I don't know how I will run them.

All week I have been feeling tired and not myself. The strain is beginning to show. Everyone has been very supportive, and there's nothing major wrong, I'm just having a whinge.

So whilst I'm whinging........... my legs are stiff and sore and tired. My left knee is stiff and bothersome, my right ankle throbs and energy levels are at an all time low. Wayne had a good look at both knee and ankle. He never makes any comment unless the limb is actually falling off, and he didn't say anything, so I'm good to run.

Thankfully, my feet are much better. Today they were extremely well behaved only murmuring at me a couple of times during the 10 miler, rather than screaming as they have been doing since last week. I think I have finally worn in the shoes I will wear for Run Wales. I shall wear them for my 25 miler tomorrow, then put them away until Anglesey to make sure they last the challenge. Imagine buying a pair of running shoes then having to throw them out after just 3 weeks wear!

I have decided the only way to cope with running 55 miles in the next 2 days after months of hard training is to revel in the experience. It might seem perverse, but when it's really a struggle, telling myself this is a unique experience, one that 99% of the population never have, helps. It's almost like an out of body feeling. As if you are floating inside your own body somewhere like a little mini scientist, noting down the discomfort and difficulties faced by various parts of the body, and nodding wisely at how well everything is functioning. Of course now I really do sound mad!!

To give you a flavour of my emotional wellbeing at the moment. I turned up to a running club session this morning, barely able to talk I was so tired. After 3 miles, with good company I sounded half way normal. Whilst driving home after my run, a car pulled out in front of me, and I let out a torrent of expletives - gave myself a bit of a giggle though, it was like a verbal sneeze, a bit explosive and highly unladylike.

Just 2 more days - then I can regroup for the final assault.

Training your brain to run long.

Today's run was 15 miles. The plan today, was to "feel the fear, and do it anyway". In practice this meant, making the 15 miles mentally tough, and doing it anyway. Last week Lowri and I discussed advice she had been given by a sports psychologist to make her training mentally very demanding, to prepare her for the difficulties she will face completing her arctic ultra marathon. For example, running a hilly long run, then returning home and sitting down for 30 minutes inside, then heading out to do the whole thing again. To be able to do that, you've got to be really hard mentally and emotionally.

My run today consisted of 3 x 5 mile laps, including several steep hills. I started from the house, and actually went inside after the first lap for a couple of minutes. On the second lap I just passed the front door, but didn't go inside. It was easier than I expected, but still a challenge mentally. I couldn't quite bring myself to go in and sit down for half an hour in between laps, but knowing I could stop at 5 and 10 miles, was still difficult.

My legs had nothing in them today, and felt like jelly on each uphill. I kept telling myself that they would recover on every downhill, so to keep going and wait for the recovery. I did stop a couple of times, but got going again.

These last few days of hard training are dragging by. If I can only make sure I stay injury free, then I'll be winning that battle at least. Another 65 miles to go this week, 10 of them tomorrow.

Struggling

I am really struggling today.

I feel really down.

Standing in the bank starving hungry - and I mean so hungry it hurts - a man behind me told me I'd pushed in, and he was there first. I was ready for a fight. Running along the cycle track this morning, 2 dogs were playing and chasing each other. One ran into my feet and very nearly tripped me up, and I cried. I actually cried - I am losing it!

It's not the physical aches and pains (although they are a struggle too). It's the ability to hold a pleasant conversation with people you don't know that well. It's trying to get everything done, whether you're hungry, tired or both. It's pretending you're cheerful and sociable, when you feel irritable and grumpy and you'd be quite happy to just lie down and sleep.

I've just had an Innocent veg pot, 2 rolls with butter, a packet of baked crisps and a bowl of fruit....... and I'm still hungry.

Ultra running isn't easy. I want to do this, I want to run across Wales, I want to know what it's like to push yourself to your limit, and beyond. But it isn't easy.

My body is still working ok, it's sore and stiff, but still working. My brain is struggling.

This is what it is like to run 100+ miles a week .......... hard.

Toes, and losing your mind.

My toes hurt.

I broke one of my middle toes down the length of the bone in a freak canoeing accident in my 20s, and it's telling me all about it now! When I run anything over about 6 miles it just aches. It is quite bent and I suspect it is banging against the side of the shoe, and squashing the other toes too. Wayne, my sports masseur suggested taping it to keep it straight, so he's going to have a go at that next week and see if it works.

If anything is going to fall apart on my run across Wales it's going to be my feet.

My sports massages have been getting more and more painful, and that's not just because Wayne is a sadist (although I am wondering!). I am just so tight and sore after 100 miles a week. Goodness knows what  I will be like after 225 miles.

I am also slowly losing my mind.

"Men and women who race at distances longer than marathons—also known as ultrarunners—are by reputation and reality a strange, obsessive, and somewhat socially awkward lot."

Had a long chat with Lowri about the quote above, especially the socially awkward bit. We neither of us felt we fitted that particular description, but then we could be deeply in denial. But definitely obsessive, oh yes.

Over the last week, it seems the running has slowly eroded both my memory and my IQ level. I forget simple things, miss obvious jokes, and my reaction time seems to be working at a glacial pace. Oh well, it'll all be worth it in the end!

Running with Lowri Morgan



Lowri and I at 25 miles

 Several months ago Lowri Morgan the S4C presenter agreed to support my run across Wales. Yesterday she emailed me and suggested we do a run together. What a fantastic suggestion! She joined me for 25 miles around the Gower this morning in the middle of her 31 mile run. The 4.5 hours we were running went in a flash!

I think we covered a fair range of subjects with ultra running being right up there. She is doing a 350 mile race in Yukon Canada, in the arctic circle in March, so she's in the midst of some heavy mileage.


It was so good to have a chat about schedules, and miles, and how tough ultra running is mentally, and talk to someone who knows. Last year she competed in the Jungle marathon, a 5 day ultra. It was filmed for S4C, and I watched the programme avidly. She is one tough runner, but she's also human, and a great laugh!

If we can we will run together again. Having the company of a likeminded runner was a real pleasure. I'm not sure I'm quite at her level though, as she measures her runs not in miles, but in hours! The thought of running for 8-10 hours (which she does in training), is mind boggling. There's a big difference between running a marathon and running an ultra or a multiday event, but the great thing about running is, there really are no limits. Company on a run is good, stimulating, interesting company is great - today's was a great run.

The Power of a Smile!

Fantastic sunrise this morning!

I was dreading the run this morning, as I expected it to be hard given what my week has been like, but it was a fab run. I ran to the Saturday WRN group, where the girls were great company. The large group of French men wandering round the docks as we passed proved to be good entertainment too, as they congratulated us on our physical prowess!

A few of the girls ran on after the group for a few miles too, which was great. Then a comedy podcast got me the last 3 miles back to my car.

I couldn't help it again, I was laughing out loud. People were very friendly, several said hello. Amazing what a smile can do.

When the going gets tough - pretend!

You wouldn't think I needed to blog anything about tough going during an easy week, but I had an all time low today.

I had a moment of reality, when it hit me full force that whilst it is lovely spending my time phoning local companies for raffle prizes, and having chats with media types...... I am actually going to have to run the length of an entire country! What was I thinking?

No, ok, I know exactly what I was thinking. It's long, it's hard, that'll be a challenge, sign up before you really think about it. And then, a few weeks before the event, think about it, and panic.

Planning to run 225 miles in a little over 7 days, is scary!

At the moment, when I am permanently dog tired, eating constantly, and spending a lot of my time aching, all I can think about are the tough bits. All I wanted to do today was go out for a short plod with my group, maybe 3 miles, then go home and rest. However I had 10 miles to do, and I just couldn't get out of the front door. Thank goodness I had a group to lead, or I might well not have run at all.

I am tired, really really tired. Physically, but especially emotionally.

I know there will be good bits of the Run Wales experience, but I can't let myself think of them yet. It's like hoping for a good result in an exam. You sit the exam and do the best you can, then spend weeks assuming you've failed, because it's much easier to accept defeat early and get on with a plan to deal with it, than to cope with disappointment when your hopes have been too high. Think I might be a pessimist!

This ultra running business is all about controlling your mind, and your thoughts. Whilst I know all this about myself, and accept it, I also am learning how best to manage my thoughts, and keep myself positive (even if I don't sound very positive at the moment). Secretly I am very very excited, but I don't want to let that excitement explode just yet, because I need it for the event itself, to keep me going through the dark moments. So I suppose by concentrating on the tough bits I am making sure I do get out and train properly. My run today was actually pretty good. I didn't want to run, I felt exhausted, but I did it anyway, and finished with a fast mile. If I can get myself going when there's noone else around and go on after a club when everyone else is going home to a nice warm shower and something to eat, then I think I can run Wales, when hopefully I will have loads of help and support.

The lesson I have learnt today is - if you think you can't do it, pretend you can until you've managed to do it anyway!